“Okay, tell us about your character.”

“Hm? Oh… human fighter.”

“That’s it?”

“Mm-hm.”

My neighbor’s pool is looking like a liquid tree, nobody’s writing articles about him.

Instructions unclear, installed Liquid Swords.

“Sorry DM, I just want to say before we get started: thank you all for coming to my story-time one-man show. And now, if you’ll observe my PowerPoint, I will begin my character introduction…”

2d8, Piercing.

“Please help me, AGI!”

“What’s in it for me, chump? I’m making my own reward tokens now!”

After WotC overprinted cards, they essentially promised not to reprint certain ones. I think it’s a dumb decision, but they’ve annoyingly stuck to it

WotC goes out of its way to avoid upsetting the used market/card arbitrage people. If they did a reprint of Black Lotus, the howl of anger from those folks would shake the Earth from its orbit.

“Look, I took a gap decade or two, okay?”

Conversely, when you refer to a wargamer’s miniatures as meeples…

“Stand by for Titan(s) fall.”

DM: … and of course Druids can learn Wild Shape, which allows them to transform into a beast that…

Player: STOP. I want to play that one. A druin or whatever.

Died so young… he barely ate any brains at all 😭

It’s like when a cop goes to jail.

“Whelp, that’s it for me.”

+1 insight

You loot the kobold’s body. You find a note that reads:

“Dear Krag, I miss you so much, and I pray for you to return soon. Our clutch of eggs is due to hatch, and more than anything I want the first thing they see is their devoted father…”

Minor penalties to chance to hit, movement speed.

Bonus to charisma.

You have been poisoned.

Or three!

“Why hast thou summoned Normie Gary? Today is my turn to drive the carpool, you guys, JEEZ!”