If I ever saw this I would immediately say scammers have hacked my account.

Back stories are bad, you are not who you think you are going in, you are the meme about having to magic away your butt crack to prevent getting caught while sneaking cut cheese.

Let’s see, I cast … You out the window.

That’s not aAAAAHHHHHHHHH

He went on to write the storyline for blood born and design Rom, the vacuous spider.

Wizard did it.

Ww? What?? It wasn’t me!

Yeah it was.

Are you really saying you saw the wizard do it?

No, but it was him.

Sure but this comic is treating it like it’s charisma or something.

Since when has con ever been a dump stat?

Player1: The quest said we have to retrieve the heart of the ocean!

DM: that would be great except Rose threw it into the ocean.

Rose: it’s what my player would have done.

DM: that’s good Rose so let’s move on

Player 1: hold on now she made it very clear she didn’t want to let us know, my character wouldn’t stop looking until I find it.

DM: … So you want to roleplay aimlessly searching the entire ocean looking in a place we all no the gem is not at for the rest of your life until we die in real life?

Player 1: well no, we will obviously run out of capital eventually and have to sell out to private equity to continue the search and after that fails we’ll have to do something different right? I mean I don’t want to give away the whole campaign.

DM: … One Shot, not campaign.

Player 1: come on DM you let rose do what her player would do despite the rest of the group wanting to strangle her.

Rose: you’re doing this to punish me aren’t you?

Player 1: well you’re the one who threw the damned necklace in the ocean!

DM: “Sigh” roll an investigation check.

That’s why I sit around and eat potato chips every night, I can’t get better so my only option is to increase the total amount of perfection.

Lol, that reminds me of my first DM session …

Anyways, my actual first DM session — everyone loved the memes. Like the classic “hitting a gazebo with a sword” one. The meme they really liked was the “forever DM,” so everyone was joking like, “Not me, you have to come back from vacation just to DM!” etc.

I, on the other hand, jumped at the opportunity to be DM. I had no idea what I was doing. When I was designing the enemies, I was a bit annoyed that our regular DM’s encounters were so easy, so I thought I needed to get a gauge on how much damage they could take before dying.

So, I invented a boss. What it was — was a creature that, when you hit it with a sword, would psychically protect itself. I knew my meme-loving players couldn’t resist hitting it, since that was the meme of the week.

They had no idea it was the gazebo.

So the gazebo kept spawning more and more enemies. I waited until they were almost dead so I could see how much they could take. My initial plan was to wait until they were entirely dead, but they started getting angry that my first session was about to be a TPK.

So I gave them a hint to kill the gazebo. They didn’t understand what I was doing, and I got some very strong pointers about the encounter being too hard. The rest of the night was… a bit bitter.

I hope you like the beautiful punctuation you hypocrites just made AI take my job

Role a strength check

Unfortunately you are not strong enough to lift the fork in the road.

What! Oh my god Magic Fork!

What? No it’s just a normal fork in the road.

I must have been hit by some kind of weakness magic.

No, you’ve been hit by stupid.

De-intelligence magic? But why would that effect my strength? Unless I’m so dumb I think I’m stronger than I am, an I actually a fairy? We have to find a wizard to turn me back.

Yeah let’s throw away my novel I wrote for this and go off on some random Bs side quest.

Is that why they die in 1d4 of damage?

If it’s actively glowing blue it means it’s under water producing Cherenkov radiation and the water should shield you from the alpha particles.

I think I would need a Natual -20 to miss that

You misspelled it but it is.

Fun fact earth used to have Halflings until god band them

You are in a cabin

Bored!

That’s right there are many boards.

Holy shit.

Yes God comes down and lays The holy brown egg.

What the Fuck?

It turned out Fuck was indeed the bbeg the entire time.

Are you fucking with me?

Roll for initiative.

TBF if I saw that I would laugh it off as a joke.

If you ordered a loaded dice and it always lands on a random number you might have a legitimate for false advertising.