That’s a smart player. You wouldn’t believe what a parking space costs in Waterdeep.

Exactly. I was asked by my players at campaign start what the rules were for food, encumbrance, etc. I basically said that as long as nothing was going on that was out of whack with reality, we’re not bothering with any of that. The only exception would be to avoid being game-breaking. Like traversing a desert on foot, I’d shift gears to track food and water. Or if they find a dragon’s treasure horde, we’re absolutely tracking encumbrance.

I attempt to negotiate with the pack of kobolds.

Parleley, parlelellyleloooo, par le nee, partner, par… snip, parsley… parlay?

Eh, I stick to “video game rules” for the most part in my campaigns. This lets the party focus on the more game-y aspects of DnD instead of the simulation-like elements. Otherwise, it devolves into a game of “simon says”.

You didn’t mention anything about putting your armor back on before breakfast. You’ve been ambushed, you’re in your pajamas, and you’re not getting to those eggs before they get cold. Roll initiative.

stack of blank character sheets?

/me produces a stack of Bard character sheets.

I’d go looking for another mindflayer offering “spotless mind” services and pay to have those memories removed. Assuming they can be trusted, of course. The hard part being that they’re still mindflayers.

I’ve seen this! But I didn’t recall that until I saw this scene. Must have been on cable in the early 90’s? Good times.

Yes and no. I used to do this back under 2nd ed. (Advanced D&D). All the later editions put a LOT more emphasis on measurement, making a play mat/map necessary. It’s now close to impossible to keep track of flanking, cones of effect, blast radius, range, etc. for more than 5 or so creatures that way. You’d have to toss a lot of that out and streamline the game, but that might upset the play balance since a lot of tactics go bye-bye along with that.

Just don’t tell their investors who are clearly pushing to make it a social media hub.

Edit: it’s the second-to-last place I would ever consider for that purpose. Right after Venmo.

This is a good point. My interactions with the Fediverse over the last few months has been sublime. Maybe users here are just proportionally more active?

Numbers are nice, but they’re not everything. Yeah, we could onboard 2 billion lurkers, but how would that improve anything?

I’ll look into that, thanks!

I like this. That has “Roll for Shoes” energy behind it.

would-be murder-hobos dabbling in meta-dickery at the table.

DM: Oh, so we’re meta-gaming now? Is that why you keep executing my quest-givers and plot-leads? Hold my ale.

But seriously, as a DM I’m chill with some meta-ness if it fits the “rule of cool” and doesn’t break the game or story into unusable pieces. Then again, my style is heavily improvised so they can’t break much in the way of grand plans (there aren’t any). Besides, I can always call down some deity and rewrite physics to my liking, so the risk is basically nil.

Necromancers in your area would like to know your location.

I’ll admit, I’m coming from a very heartfelt and argumentative place. For instance, my brother and his friends complained that Warhammer 40k 2nd edition ruined the game because they made the rules clearer. It upended the whole dynamic by eliminating all the arguing.

As a DM, I use moments like this as a way to let the players help craft house rules; this is the flavor for our game and it just feels like DnD that way.

DM: I have good news and bad news.

Player: give me the good news.

DM: We’re naming a new PC race after you.

This is exactly the kind of RAW debate nonsense that I play DnD for.

So, what about the whole belly-button and umbilical cord situation? That might be on the line as far as “mortal wounds” or “missing body parts” go.