Me, playing a ratman at a human dinner party in some big-but-mundane mansion garden: “Are there any cats around?”

My DM, unsuspecting and interested in where I’m going: “It seems reasonable that there would be a cat. Yeah, let’s say there’s a cat.”

Me: “Is anyone looking?”

My DM, suddenly concerned: “… no…?”

Me:

Stardust

Retrospectively recognizing Henry Cavill as the minor guy at the start/end is a wild moment

What a fantastic movie

Whoever did them was brilliant!

Alternatively, his blade was not very deadly unless he got it in someone’s mouth.

Astarion is a vampire, one supposes he had a little snack

Well, we can only find out by consuming them.

Polymorphism

There’s no way in hell the nurse just said “yeah ok got it fam” and went along with her day like it wasn’t important.

I suspect that, if true, it was clarified further down the line before treatment. Or, considering how I’ve been in-and-out of the ER, the nurse just wrote down ‘human bite’ regardless of what the patient claimed lmao.

Like I said. It’s the internet. I’m not saying it’s definitely real. But it’s far from impossible.

Do commoners not go down to -9? I don’t think any session I’ve ever played bothered with caring about the peasantry, lmao

You ever try to get blood out in a hurry?

I mean, obviously this is the internet and nothing is real, but it’s not impossible that they still had some blood on them in the frenzy to get to the hospital.

Excellent write-up, I’d just like to say as an irrelevant aside

MALE BOOBPLATE MALE BOOBPLATE

The animated movie, yes; the original poem, not so much.

Me when the first session setting up the campaign is about performing a ritual to keep an ancient black dragon demigod asleep and a level 1 player tries to stab it in the eye with a dagger instead.

He was appalled by my decision to punt the cat, and the 17 I rolled before he could object, but in my defense, I was playing a ratman.

“Is it okay if I have an anger problem?”

“I shout at the door.”

“I lift the spyglass so my rat can see.”

“Does the rat look through the spyglass?”

“It’s hard to tell.”

“I aim the paper airplane at the crowd.”

"IS CHILD ABUSE WRONG? LIKE ME CHECK MY CHAIM.

…

NO."

“Is there a cat nearby?”

“Like, a normal cat?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s a mansion, I don’t see why not. Yeah, let’s say there’s a cat.”

“Is anyone looking?”

[DM, suddenly filled with concern] “… no…?”

“I will teach these halfling savages the meaning of private property!”

DAMN THE TORPEDOES, FULL SPEED AHEAD

Reverse it - Murder Stroke let’s goooooo

“I need to unsharpen my blade”