Cripple. History Major. Vaguely Left-Wing.
The animated movie, yes; the original poem, not so much.
Me when the first session setting up the campaign is about performing a ritual to keep an ancient black dragon demigod asleep and a level 1 player tries to stab it in the eye with a dagger instead.
He was appalled by my decision to punt the cat, and the 17 I rolled before he could object, but in my defense, I was playing a ratman.
“Is it okay if I have an anger problem?”
“I shout at the door.”
“I lift the spyglass so my rat can see.”
“Does the rat look through the spyglass?”
“It’s hard to tell.”
“I aim the paper airplane at the crowd.”
"IS CHILD ABUSE WRONG? LIKE ME CHECK MY CHAIM.
…
NO."
“Is there a cat nearby?”
“Like, a normal cat?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s a mansion, I don’t see why not. Yeah, let’s say there’s a cat.”
“Is anyone looking?”
[DM, suddenly filled with concern] “… no…?”
“I will teach these halfling savages the meaning of private property!”
DAMN THE TORPEDOES, FULL SPEED AHEAD
“I need to unsharpen my blade”
Each one is a combination of ‘Celestial Object’ and ‘synonym for deer’. The first two seem innocuous and fantastic enough, but they establish the pattern - letting the third be ‘Starbucks’, a real-life coffee shop chain.
My players and party members would NEVER forget a door! Not even if the place was falling down around their heads!
Farmers could just feed the victims to hungry pigs and then turn the teeth and bones into bone meal
I figured since it didn’t actually show anything it would be fine. I edited to mark it NSFW.
IS George sentient, though?
“Well, I speak the most Italian, so I’ll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most, so he’ll be your Italian cameraman. Omar speaks third most, so he’ll be Donny’s assistant.”
“I don’t speak Italian.”
“Like I said, third best.”
Oh thank the gods, I was worried we might have lost our #1 spot in monolingualism.
“I will cry for you, even if no one else will.”
Excellent write-up, I’d just like to say as an irrelevant aside
MALE BOOBPLATE MALE BOOBPLATE