F/15/Cali@threads.net

Yeah, I did assume 5e. Still holds true, depending on your teammates in 3.5 and pathfinder, but you right

Disintegrate does x damage. You know what does more than x damage? 3 other characters holding their attack and spell actions after you bap the lizard sitting in a cage, after killing all of their henchmen. But they’ll resist it anyway, so it’s effectively less magic spent for the same result

Disintegrate is a terrible opener. It’s save or suck, meaning that they will expend a legendary resistance, at best. Polymorph effectively does the same thing, but better in every way. The bbeg would resist the spell and simply continue monologuing

I’d never heard this before, but I adore the tiny tinge* of chicanery the singer adds to every line!

Way better as an npc. There is no man straight enough to straighten out a campaign with daily Armpits Esquire. She’s the cherry on the top of the cherry on top of the cherry on top of the sundae

In my experience, dr farts is the result of an overabundance of options and lack of foresight. They don’t know what it’d be like, so they try it. Giving players a silly character swap voucher, good for just one session per campaign, solves that. Similar deal for the overjuiced character. (Not usable during story boss encounters)

Once people recognize that the boundaries are there to improve their experience, not detract from it, they usually follow the flow of the game and build on others’ characters. If they don’t, chairs are easy to fill.

“So this is my character. Her name is Armpits Esquire and she’s three halfling paladin brothers from a dead order in a trenchcoat. Because of their stacking auras, they are nearly- no, you can continue loading, it gets worse.”

IMO, you played perfectly. Luck and narrative building are fantastic skills that can tip a campaign in one direction or another, and we simply lacked one of the other. Revel in your superiority!

We kept readying actions! Used cover, avoided grouping up, tried distracting it, begged pleadingly, etc. as well. All that did was cause the dragon to choose two squishies to kill before the others. Prepping would have been an excellent idea, but in our defense, we were very dumb

We asked our DM to avoid using flying enemies after a dragon tpk’d us by breath weaponing and retreating for 30 rounds. Give me a tarasque before you even consider offering me a competent dragon

“So, you’re telling me I could have just greater restoration’d the guards rather than killing them? My god isn’t going to like this.”

The peasant farmer I’ve played as a halfling artificer with halfling luck. He never improved much, aside from rolling with the punches a bit better. In fact, he hadn’t any clue what his equipment was or how it worked. Things just kept happening for him and the party refused to let him leave.

The running joke was that he’s lucky enough to stumble into unfathomable power, wealth, and fame, but not lucky enough to find the mundane life of peace he was looking for.

*looming* Would you like me to teach you?

I’ve only played a few campaigns where people chose an answer other than “trauma.”

Make sure to wear long gloves and short sleeves. The dye in that water is strong. I was purple for days after cracking an 8ball and people kept asking how I got hurt.

This gave me an idea for a gimmick die. Transparent die filled with dark liquid. The exterior of the die has the usual numbers in white lettering. Inside the die, there is a smaller cork die that rises like a magic 8ball. It’s 2d(x) in 1. Interesting for tension building, if nothing else.

Edit: looked it up and I’m not original, and they’re largely as bad as I thought they’d be

They can’t crit, but success can be determined by numerical thresholds that the dm sets, and they just so happen to align with rolling a 12 for success, 20 for glorious accomplishment, and 1 for terrible snafu.

That’s fair, the monster manual is t h i c k

Out of curiosity, do you have myconids in your setting? I imagine you would have hated his portrayal of them.

The way he perceived prestidigitation was that it removed the overwhelming majority of solid and liquid mess, but the mess and microbiome can remain in small part. It isn’t a fourth dimensional biological sieve, it’s a bulk remover. You still have to kill or remove the remaining spores and whatnot.

Phrased another way, would you be comfortable touching your eye after wiping? You used toilet paper. You can see neither feculence nor pathogens on your hand. It should be safe, right?

My old dm had a good solution. They’d have you roll 1d6+1 diseases off of the disease table if you didn’t clean the excrement-coated clothes properly. Prestidigitation offered advantage and cut cleaning time down severely, but you still had to get it properly clean or risk a mysterious rash sometime down the road.