I suppose the “HAHAHAFUCKER” bit does make that context pretty clear. I stand corrected.

Ackshually, since it doesn’t contain a seasonal reference, that is technically not a haiku but a senryū!

If you’re just doing basic CRUD stuff that doesn’t need to scale, sure. Even then IMO it’s a good idea to understand the underlying database queries.

Learn SQL so your website can use a database like PostgreSQL.

Whoever receives the laptop may be able to figure out the address of the sender. Perhaps OP just doesn’t want their real identity tied to their main account.