Get this: The Pope gave me syphilis
If I tell them a high school marching band gave me syphilis, I’ll end up in prison.
Don’t worry, it’s sitcom rules so everyone involved was 18 for some reason. It doesn’t make it a lot better, true, but it does make it not a felony.
I got it from Dan Rather…
Or just tell them why your car isn’t working:
This is going to sound crazy but my high school marching band just shit the bed.
no my high school marching band had a reputation for shitting beds. they hired a dude with ibs just to make sure they could get all the beds they needed shat
I was minding my own business and Boom! my nephew gave me syphilis.
This is going to sound crazy but the ghost of Hitler died in front of me.
I know youre going to hate me, but the ghost of hitler posted my nudes on instagram
I know you’re going to hate me, but the kid from air Bud gave me syphilis
… I do not like this game
It’s like I don’t even know you
… I’ll take the antibiotics
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Please forgive my absence, my Tinder date found my box of human teeth.
Get this, a high school marching band stabbed me.
Et tu, tromboner?
Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team stole my bicycle…
I feel terrible but a sad clown died in front of me.
Doesn’t track. One less clown in the world, why feel terrible? (/s if it’s not obvious).
Don’t judge me:
It wasn’t the last one
/s
Is the “punchline” to that type of saying about a demographic you don’t like, with the added implication of why you’re doing something else that night.
This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather found my box of human teeth 😬
I was minding my own business and boom! My Tinder date poured lemonade in my gas tank
So, will there be a second date?
Get this: the kid from Airbud stabbed me
I feel terrible but a high school marching band stabbed me.
