It’s not my theory, but did you have a stroke?

How many people are neatly snapping their phone into two halves?

As a former cell phone repair tech: Quite a few more than you might think.

Typically when you win a lot and they don’t suspect cheating, they give you a swanky room so you stick around and try to double your winnings.

bloviating

What a wildly inappropriate waste of a thesaurus.

the slightest bit of research

Are you competing in some obscure Internet irony competition?

Write that article and post it in a blog. Use ChatGPT if you need to. Bang, you’re the media.

I mean, you’ll want to do all the SEO things to drive your hit rate, but this ain’t the old days anymore where major media conglomerates control the news.