Meanwhile I’m stuck with one of those old-timey jobs where you’re actually supposed to show up.

Aren’t farts just the ghosts of the things we eat?

Yes, I expect that.

Just shake out the mouse turds and plug that fucker in

I once caught a reddit ban for sharing NSFW content even though the youtube video had none. I had to ask why and it turned out there was porn in the ads and apparently that was my fault.

Welp. cracks open another one

Fine. Lets call it shit instead.