I miss AIM :(

Ever heard of Darn Tough socks? Expensive per pair, but they come with a lifetime guarantee.

Stone Temple Montblancs

My wife does that. Early on, I asked her…

“Why do you set the microwave to 1:11?”

“Because it takes less time than 1:00.”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.”

“🤦🏻‍♀️”

Pollster: Have you ever thought about shooting someone?

Me: Well even if I never had before, now that you’ve asked the question and put the idea in my head, I have, so thanks for that!

Pollster: Follow-up question: Have you ever thought of a pink elephant?

He’s already thinking of the cool next character he’s got planned.

Screw that, make Modesty Blaise

• Is her own character, so wouldn’t get labeled “the female James Bond.”

• Has a cooler back story than James Bond

• Has a cool cast of supporting characters

• Is canonically awesome at martial arts, but will use guns when pressed

• Already has a bunch of books and comics to use as source material

• Has at least as many sexual adventures as Bond

• Has a long-time male partner with whom she is emphatically not in a romantic relationship or a Will-they-won’t-they situation

What are its properties? Is it merely a phenomenally effective lube? Does it facilitate passage through otherwise magical barriers? What’s going on there?

Call me crazy, but I don’t think the president should have the ability to fire all of these supposedly apolitical positions. The president should be walled off from those kind of decisions specifically to prevent the office from being able to hand out positions based on political loyalty and bribes. But maybe I’m just a kooky go nuts crazy guy.

Elf…no ass

Excuse you…

I love the infinity d4

One wonders how many inhabited planets in the universe are referred to by the locals as “Dirt.”

Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the infinity d4?

And the guy in the middle is arguably the most powerful SCP in the room. Whenever he is killed, he regenerates a new body to replace the old one, and he also might be host to some even more appalling eldritch abomination.

Hmm.

“Empty”?

What are the mimics disguised as? Floorboards? Lint?

See that little stream — we could walk to it in two minutes. It took the British a month to walk to it — a whole empire walking very slowly, dying in front and pushing forward behind. And another empire walked very slowly backward a few inches a day, leaving the dead like a million bloody rugs. No Europeans will ever do that again in this generation.”

“Why, they’ve only just quit over in Turkey,” said Abe. “And in Morocco —”

“That’s different. This western-front business couldn’t be done again, not for a long time. The young men think they could do it but they couldn’t. They could fight the first Marne again but not this. This took religion and years of plenty and tremendous sureties and the exact relation that existed between the classes. The Russians and Italians weren’t any good on this front. You had to have a whole-souled sentimental equipment going back further than you could remember. You had to remember Christmas, and postcards of the Crown Prince and his fiancée, and little cafés in Valence and beer gardens in Unter den Linden and weddings at the mairie, and going to the Derby, and your grandfather’s whiskers.”

“General Grant invented this kind of battle at Petersburg in sixty- five.”

“No, he didn’t — he just invented mass butchery. This kind of battle was invented by Lewis Carroll and Jules Verne and whoever wrote Undine, and country deacons bowling and marraines in Marseilles and girls seduced in the back lanes of Wurtemburg and Westphalia. Why, this was a love battle — there was a century of middle-class love spent here. This was the last love battle.

–F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night

I feel like Scroll of Immolation could cause an exploding plague that would plausibly wipe out the entire population of anything more than a moderately large city where the population density was high enough.

And of course the traditional sentence for dice which misbehave one too many times.