To me! I love having post apocalyptic settings where humans are nearly extinct because they were too weak to defend themselves.

One campaign I forced them to be human and they made it their own goal to eradicate all non-human humanoids from the Face of the world. Needless to say their creativity in overcoming their weaknesses was amazing.

Cuz they always are either elf or human and that is boring. Also, I’m one of those bastards who force the players to role play, yet I’m no maniac who forces them to poop and pee.

I prefer humans to be weak so nobody chooses them. Want a lizardborn x orc cleric? Sure. Want a human fighter? Well, theeeese enemies have + x on these stats against humans.

Some time later…

Timmy: dies

A Party member: Level Up

So it’s the same as always?

Which door would your brother say leads me out and then go through the other one?

Easy. Since you tell the truth, where’s the anaconda?

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It’s not just about being crippled. The spell „Resurrection“ closes all mortal wounds and restores missing body parts. It will also uncircumcise the Jewish priest, removing all his powers.

Guess I’ll switch to an iCloud mail account with a separate private relay forward-mail for every other account then.

Ah dayum this just made me remember one of my first sessions back when I went to this hall for beginners. On one table the faint sound of the Skyrim theme started to play and one from my table jumped up, pointed to that table and screamed "YOU GUYS ARE FIGHTING A DRAGON???“

The DM said

"It‘s just a goblin cave! You’ll be out in no time!“

and the adventurers stepped foot into the entrance to hell

Dude I once put the Fighter into a vegetative state because of an intelligence level of -1. He tanked all the magic damage with his shield of weaving, but not the effects.

The Dungeon Master has no “He” nor does the Dungeon Master have a “She”. The Dungeon Master is a Dungeon Master and a Dungeon Master only. If thou are of worth, the Dungeon Master may allow you to remove the “Dungeon” from the Dungeon Master’s name, shorting the Dungeon Master‘s name to Master.

I always have a D20 in my pocket at any given time. The look on their faces when we play Monopoly and instead of paying for the hotel I say „this is squatting“ and roll the D20.

"This is Keepus, the Bard. He sings and has all the stuff.“

IMHO every campaign like this feels like Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The DM tries everything to keep the party on the right track.

Reckless assholes drive faster than I, stupid fucktards drive slower than I. I drive perfect.

“ Amidst coin’s clinking sound, I’d play my strings so thin, a violin’s lament, a song of pain from deep within“ screeching violin noises

I thought it was “it“ because it is a fucking dragon. 🐉