I miss 3E’s sexy mephits.

IRL I’d be worried that she would still be angry about this after she got sober. I’ve never dated anyone who liked being picked up at all and the one woman small enough for me to have carried easily would have been so mad.

They’re the “Say Friend and Enter” runes. Gandalf couldn’t figure them out but Merry (accidentally) did.

You can still get the experience when someone else commits murder, but only if you do at least one damage to the victim first.

I don’t think Conan is a D&D barbarian because (at least in the Howard stories) he does not go into a state of battle rage and his fighting style is not characterized by a focus on offense at the expense of defense. I’d play him as a pure Fighter with stealth expertise.

At some point, I think just telling the players that you don’t want to run a campaign that they’re not interested in is better than trying to punish them.

In that case I can’t say anything specific because I don’t know those rules, but I still think that planning for a villain to escape alive is risky unless the fight is totally rigged.

Although if I were running this, I might just have him attack again even if the players killed him. Ideally, he’d run away the first time, they would make sure to kill him the second time, and then they would be quite surprised the third time. The original body would still be there, and so the players might end up with three or four dead Alans before they’re done with the dungeon*. Where the extras came from is not explained. This also creates an opportunity to bring Alan back much later in the campaign, because the players might have forgotten about him but he hasn’t forgotten about them.

*If they bring back evidence of more than one dead Alan to the quest-giver, he will not want to pay them because they can’t prove that the real Alan is dead.

Two casts of magic missile at level 1 (from different characters, before he can act again) will kill him 90% of the time.

These stereotypes about the undead are offensive. As soon as we move in anywhere, the local villagers start saying we ruined the place. Shambling through a haunted castle is a lifestyle as valid as any other.

18hp

Will escape as soon as harmed.

There’s an implicit assumption here that may not be warranted, especially if Alan doesn’t have legendary actions that let him escape on someone else’s turn.

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Wasn’t there a 3.5 build that could in theory throw the moon?

Must have been the wind.

The difficulty of restoring to life someone who is already alive is why such high-level magic is required.

Once when my sister and I were teenagers, she was hogging the computer and so I just picked up the chair with her in it to move her out of my way. As I walked past, her friend (whom I hadn’t touched) used her bite to make an attack of opportunity against me. It wasn’t gentle - there was no blood but there were tooth-marks.

I had mixed feelings afterwards. On the one hand, it hurt. On the other hand, a girl touched me. With her mouth. I had never been kissed at that point but being bitten was close…

(I didn’t end up marrying her.)

Also a d6 bite is nonsense. The average commoner has 4 hp and 10 strength, so one commoner would be able to kill another commoner with a single bite 50% of the time. I’m not saying a human bite can’t be lethal, but it’s not “stabbed with a shortsword” lethal. Meanwhile, even a d4 bite from a level 1, 16-str barbarian is already invariably lethal to a commoner.

(Yeah, I know, HP isn’t supposed to be realistic, etc. I just hate fun.)

The “wear a loincloth before growing 30 feet tall” direction?

Historical swords aren’t spiky for a reason

Yeah but people in ancient times also liked cool-looking but impractical “ceremonial” weapons. They didn’t go to war wielding them, but neither do modern people who think they look cool…

I think if you’re just Huge and you’re grappling a Gargantuan dragon, you’re going to look like a dog humping his leg. Which may be what OP wants to do, but still…

If the guy with the bow isn’t bringing the DPS then what is he even bringing?

worships Fortune

becomes extremely wealthy

Time to impugn her reputation! Wait, hold on…